A Startling Confession
by Xerizzelles
Summary: The conversation between Jessi and Nicole that could have been in "In The Company of Men" Just my own version of what might have been said.


A/N: I'm not sure what motivated me to write this, but I feel that the scene where Jessi was about to tell Nicole about Kyle in Season 3 episode 4 "In The Company of Men" bugged me. I really think she needs to talk to someone other than Lori, who by the way knows nothing of advice giving. SO I decided to write my own "What if". I'm not sure where I was going with this, but I wrote this and I may or may not add more to it. Let me know what you think. It's not betaed so please be nice!

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"Nicole I do need to talk to you about something."

"Okay, Jessi. Here let's sit down here." She motioned to the couch.

Jessi gave a small meek smile that worried Nicole. Jessi was known to irrational behavior, but it was only due to the lack of attention and love any person her age required. She examined Jessi's facial expressions and also sensed a tinge of embarrassment. Curious as to what the remarkable girl needed to confess intrigued her interests and she found herself not only analyzing the situation as a therapist, but a mother as well. Whatever she had to say, she would let her understand. After all, if she managed to help Kyle, why not Jessi too? But the girl's all around personality concerned her. She seemed very pessimistic, yet confident in her abilities alone, as if they were the only reason for her existence. However, Kyle had exhibited neither of these traits when she brought him home. Maybe it was a side affect form all the lies of fathers and mothers she apparently had which all turned out to be false. The girl was lonely and desperately needed someone to look after her so, Nicolle felt it her duty to do so.

Jessi hesitated, looking down at her feet and biting her lip. Talking to people was already hard enough for her and especially something like this. Kyle would talk to her, if only he wasn't so hung up on Amanda. But she couldn't talk to Kyle about this. At least not anytime soon. And who did she trust besides him? No one. But something about Nicole eased her mind. Kyle spoke only fondly of Mrs. Trager, and if Kyle trusts her, why not Jessi too? Nicole had taken him in, helped him and even raised him. Now she was clearing her work space and doing the same for her. _Why does she care so much about me? I'm nothing and no one wants me? But everyone wants Kyle, even me._

She lifted her head when she heard Nicole call her name. Their eyes meet in a serious stare, both looking at each other for some kind of explanation of the other's peculiar demeanor. Clearing her throat before Jessi began. "Well, it's about me occupying your work area. It's yours Nicole, I don't need to have it. I don't even belong here." She said it so matter-of-factly, and her blunt tone did not go unnoticed by Nicole. Her eyes still held her gaze, but they very poorly hid her internal despair.

Nicole shook her head, "Jessi, I really don't mind giving up my room. I'm not even counseling anymore so it was just going to waste anyway. Plus, I invited you to stay with us. As far as I know you're practically family Jessi and you can belong here if you wish."

Her words, spoken so swiftly yet considerate, hit Jessi like a ton of bricks, as she once heard someone say. "I am practically family?" She couldn't let her mind wrap around the idea of being another addition to the ever-growing Trager family tree. But it was strange enough to live under the same roof as Kyle and to call him family? They were obviously close, no doubt, but family implied a kinship rather than relationship. She may be naïve, but certainly not dumb. Kyle already thought of her as just a friend. But now he would she her as a sister, the equivalent of Lori? That would not help their connection at all; only create a more awkward bond between them.

With a longing sigh, she saw Nicole's nod as an ill omen of more complications ahead. _I might as well stop here. If I continue any longer, she may probe my actual reason for speaking with her_. "Thank you." She rose from her seat and before she took her first step, Nicole stopped her.

"Jessi, are you sure that's all you needed to talk to me about?" Skeptical of Jessi's sudden mental distance and her unwillingness to continue, she refused to let the troubled girl go. "Jessi please let me help you. I know you rather talk to Kyle about things but I'd like to help in any way I can." Strangely, the mention of Kyle caused a sudden glimmer in her eyes and almost immediately, she sat back down, now only at her hands which rested in her lap, near her stomach. Nicole watched as Jessi touched her absent belly button for a brief moment and looked up. Without another hesitation, she finally spoke freely.

"I don't know how to phrase this any better. I feel that Kyle and I are close—closer than just our connection to ZzYzx, or our creators' relationship. Kyle and I are two parts of a whole. Without him, I do not function to the best of my abilities, and I believe the same for him when I'm away. I theorize it may have something to do with what you call fate or destiny." She watched as Nicole's expression went from understanding to shock. _How could she not know Kyle and I were connected, If not obvious by our similarities, but our curiosity for life and the world around us? And maybe that look isn't disapproving, and why should I care if it is? My connection with Kyle burns deeper into my very core. Is it not the intended plan for us?_

Nicole couldn't grasp the idea. Kyle and Jessi, together in every way possible? But that could not be. Kyle's deep affection for Amanda was love. She had the seen the look he gave her from the moment she saw them together. But now that Nicole thought about it, Jessi's mood usually lightened when she was around Kyle, like he was her constant. Of all the people in her life, none had stuck around to get to know her or even love her except Kyle, protective love only of course. He had been there for her even when no one else was. And no matter what she wanted to believe, Nicole knew at the pit of her stomach that Jessi was probably right. There was just too much factors that played into their joining that she could understand Jessi's reason. It was inevitable. They were to watch over each other for as long as they lived. Together. Even if Kyle had yet to realize it.

Trying to wipe the shock off her face, Nicole stood up and approached the Jessi. Instead of denying anything she had said, Nicole asked a different question. "How long have you had this _theory_?" She couldn't bring herself to say another word. She gazed wonderingly at Jessi, whose facial expression was serious, yet fragile. Nicole was amazed that a girl her age could be so unemotional, but yet again, Jessi managed to stun her.

Jessi wanted to know why Nicole emphasized "theory" with such a skeptic connotation, but before she thought about it, her focus was on the nervous heartbeat three rooms and about 38.89 ft away from her. She never (Okay, sometimes) intentionally listened for his heart, but lately, his grieving for his precious Amanda had bothered her more than she was willing to admit.

His comment about not wanting to sit by her at The Rack was a blow to her ego and heart. How could she be so stupid? She should have known the ending of Kyle and Amanda's relationship would only make Kyle more devoted to her. And because he loved her? But what was there to love? She was a frail, blonde, weak thing. And Jessi, tanned, brunette, strong, intelligent, determined… She could go on and go. None of it made sense because this was something she couldn't calculate by any means of mathematics or science. What does Kyle see in her? Music. But Amanda's pianistic abilities were not so masterful. Jessi could learn the equivalent of Amanda's twelve years of practicing in a half hour's time. So there must be another reason.

Jessi heard the front door close and the heartbeat slowly faded with distance. Already she felt useless. He was gone and now she had no one. Again. But here was Nicole, trying to get her to bear her soul but she could never really fathom her feelings no matter all her years of education and—wait, she said something. _How long have I had this theory? _She tried to recompose her thoughts to answer Nicole's question.

And before she could stop herself, a deeply-held confession flooded the room. "The moment I looked into his blue eyes. I was sitting in his tub in his room and I felt like the whole world shifted, which is impossible because the gravitational pull of the sun limits the orbit of Earth, but I know I felt it. I could only gape at him, because deep inside, I felt him, his soul I suppose, pull me in and I couldn't look away. And I know it sounds irrational Nicole, but I know Kyle felt the same. He's just been blinded by Amanda."After her last confession, she realized the look on Nicole's face was no longer wonder but sympathy. She reached out toward Jessi, and for once, she didn't dodge the close contact, having previously kissed the person she admired up mostly, and allowed Nicole's soft, motherly arms wrap around her shoulders. The feeling was not as strange as it was once before and she found herself enjoying it. Of course, his arms were much more welcoming.

Nicole, held Jessi like her own child. This poor, confused girl. But now that Jessi got that off her chest, living with Kyle would be much harder, especially with her knowing. But Nicole knew she would try to make this experience as smooth as she could. Maybe a talk with Kyle would not only get his mind off Amanda, but help him to consider Jessi. She wasn't too sure about all this, but something gave her small hope, even if she didn't know what it was. "Jessi, I well, never realized how you felt about Kyle. I know you uh, care for him a lot, but right now he has to get over Amanda before he jumps into anything right away. Just act like you normally do around him, but don't expect much out of him for a while. And who knows, with time Kyle might share the same feelings."She didn't really know how to handle the situation so she gave the best advice she could think of at the moment.

Nicole let go of Jessi and gave her a reassuring smile. Jessi stared back at her with slightly wet eyes. She thanked Nicole, momentarily glancing at the color patterns for her new room. She knew the perfect color to paint her walls. "Nicole, I want the walls to be True Blue Ice." She said and walked away, looking for anything to get Kyle off her mind. Maybe she'd see what Lori was up to.

Nicole examined the color Jessi picked out from the color chart. Why does this color look so familiar? She racked her brain for a possible explanation when she glanced at the family picture on her desk. "Of course, that's the color of his eyes. Oh Jessi." Nicole picked up the frame and sure enough, the color matched Kyle's eyes perfectly. "I suppose, we have to take a new family picture soon." She said, a small smile formed on her lips as she envisioned her new daughter posing next to her constant star.

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I hope you guys liked it. Please review!


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